White Ribbon

One of the recurring themes that I, as a legal practitioner, confront when dealing with issues of family and domestic violence in the context of Family Law Matters is the astonishing lack of responsibility and even blatant denial of the violent acts committed by an intimate partner and/or husband in the face of cold hard evidence that shows that the violent acts indeed occurred.

The degree and extent of the denial of the violent acts committed vary, depending of course upon the individual perpetrator. It is often the case that excuses are made that somehow diminish or justify the severity of the act, such as, this was a one off event or “she started it”.

However there are times when even I, an experienced legal practitioner am genuinely shocked by the absolute denial of any wrongdoing by the perpetrator even when they are locked in their prison cell, charged and convicted of assault on their wife/partner and mother of their children.

In a recent case of mine I represented the wife and mother, who had been held a prisoner by her husband for a period of 4 months, whilst he beat and degraded her daily, controlled her every movements and committed unspeakable acts of violence against her in the presence of the four children, ranging in ages from 3 to 7 years.
This woman mustered all her courage and one morning whilst her husband was asleep and with the support of her neighbour, managed to escape with her children to the nearest police station. She was covered in bruises from head to toe and needed to spend over a week in hospital to recover. She continues to suffer physical pain from the horrific assault that she endured at the hands of her husband.

The matter continues to be in the Family Court of Australia because this father from his prison cell continues to press his application that his 4 children should visit him every alternate weekend as he believes that they are missing him and that their mother is a woman who is alienating the children from him.

To make matters worse his mother is supporting his application and believes that her son is an innocent man wrongly accused, even though there is evidence that strongly suggests she was a witness to the crime and complicit with his conduct.
It is impossible to see how this attitude supported by an older woman can shift and open the way to change and eliminating violence against women and children.
Although this is an extreme case, there are numerous other matters that I have been involved in where time and time again the woman is blamed for the violent actions of their intimate partners and the perpetrator of this behaviour seeks to excuse and justify it.

It is my personal view that until such time that individual men take full and complete personal responsibility for their violent and criminal behaviour, without seeking to blame the victim – then, and only then, will change occur and the healing process can begin.

Pamela Cominos is a Sydney – based legal practitioner who practices predominately in Family Law and De Facto litigation.